Little Brother

Big brother. Little brother

Josh has 3 younger brothers (and a younger sister), but only one little brother. Noah is 12 and he and Josh have shared a room for years. They have a love-hate relationship, but their time-tested love is fierce and abiding.

Noah’s heart is breaking. Over the last 2 ½ weeks I’ve had the privilege of catching some of these broken pieces as they fall. I’m saving those pieces in a very safe place.

Noah received “the news” of Josh’s prognosis, his dying, as we all did, around the dining room table. We listened. Cried. Held hands. Tim prayed at the end through tears. Our eyes searched each others eyes, peering deep into places where words can not go.

Then he ran.

Outside. Fast. Far.

Noah has always been a runner. He’s had a life-time of heartache and anguish to run from. He’s well-practiced and comes back when he’s ready. When he did that day, he hid in the corners of our house under blankets, tables and bean bag chairs.

He wasn’t ready to cry. I couldn’t blame him. It’s hard to catch a bursting dam.

I hid in the opposite corner. “I want to run away, too. I want to hide, Noah. Can I hide here?”

He shook his head yes.

We hid—together.

It took almost 9 hours for him to give into his tears and anguish. My arms could not hold him tight enough when they final did give in.

Tonight was the 4th “broken heart catching” time for Noah and me. Each time has been priceless.

It began tonight as I was tucking him into bed.

“Dear Jesus, please be with our Joshie. Help him to feel better. Don’t let him leave me too soon. We need to have more fun together. Amen.”

His little body shook.

“I miss Joshie. Why can’t he come back to his own bed?” (Josh is now in a hospital bed in our dining room.) “I can’t talk to him any more when I’m falling asleep. I miss him talking about airplanes with me at night.”

Somewhere along the line I’ve learned to not brush children’s pain away. I don’t minimize it. I don’t marginalize it. I enter into it and let my tears mingle with theirs.

“Bible story time,” Noah quickly announced. He lined his stuffed animal up around him.

“I’m going to tell you the story about Jonah. Jonah ran away. Do you know why? His brother was dying and he couldn’t make it better, so he ran away.”

We cuddled and cried some more. In time, our wet cheeks dried to damp and our bodies stopped their trembling.

Tears gone, he had one more thing to share.

“I don’t like going to sleep, mom. It means another day is done. That means Josh is one day closer to dying.”

“You are right. I know what you mean, but it can also be a new day to have some fun with Josh.”

Before I left Noah’s side, we had a plan for the new day.

Target practice after school. Straws and Q-tips — here we come!

Hi There

This is a ministry dedicated to work and rest and the time we spend doing both. Field-tested material (Promise Land: Rest Redefined~Rest Rediscovered) was to be released this Labor Day to all who subscribe. It is still in the works, not far from being done, but now no longer a priority. God recently hit the pause button, however, when our 19 year old son, Joshua, was diagnosed with Hepatopulmonary Syndrome. It’s a rare complication of liver disease that destroys the lungs. A liver transplant is the only treatment. Josh is not a candidate because he was born with Sickle Cell Anemia. We were told in May, Josh had 24 months to live. Through a series of complications and a fire where we live, Josh began a rapid descent on August 2. It hit high gear on August 20 when Josh was placed into Hospice Care. The ministry, the material, the timing is in God’s hands. It always has been. If you sign up for the blog, I’d love to send it your way when it’s done. Here’s how it begins.


Promise Land

Rest is not a reward.

You can’t earn it.

You don’t deserve it.

It’s a given. Part of a plan. Free of charge and full of grace, poured out from the heart of God.

Rest comes to us signed, sealed, delivered. But it is rejected. Neglected. Again and again.

Are you numbered in those ranks?

We all are—if we’re honest.

We are made for more, yet settle for less.

This website launched in March 2013. If rest is a topic that grabs your heart, we’d like to encourage you to subscribe to this weekly blog. The information to do so is located on the right hand side of this page. Along the way, we’ve encouraged folks to read the first 12-weeks of posts found in the archives. (But no rush. Go slow.) Start with Week 1 (from March). Each post is numbered and lays an important foundational insight into the life-giving rhythm Run hard. Rest well.

Rest well!


First time here?

11 thoughts on “Little Brother”

  1. Brenda,
    Such tender words.
    Praying for Noah and the rest of the family.
    He has been on my mind the last few days.
    Sending a hug his way too!
    Love to you all,

  2. I wish I had tears. I wish I could hide under the tables and blankets and bean bags. I wish I could run. My heart breaks for you all. I am so angry. These children are receiving God’s love in such a precious and powerful way. God is caring for them and protecting them from a world that is not kid friendly. So…into the midst of healing, the enemy comes and hurts these babies who have been hurt so badly already.

    Thank you for sharing your grieving and you joys and your sorrows. This old world is not old people friendly either and I get to run with Noah. I get to cry with you all. I get to realize there is a God waiting with really BIG arms to welcome us all some day. For now…there is no stopping the pain. Running doesn’t change the process. You always have to go back and face the pain. Still…for a while…. If Noah has to run again, would you ask him to take me with him? Just for a little while.

  3. My heart is breaking for you. And prayers are being offered for you all. I can’t imagine the pain but am encouraged by your testimony of strength and courage and Gods grace and faithfulness.

    Sent from my iPhone

  4. Every day you are all on my heart and in my prayers to the Prince of Peace. Every day. And yesterday the request to pray for your family was shared with a few people around the states who are mission partners with us. At the Bible study I’m blessed to lead, a man named Martin prayed long and hard for you all. With the group I also shared the words to “Live the Victory” and a bit of your story. The Spirit is working through it even all the way here in Peru. I just wanted you to know, Brenda. Big hugs. 🙂


Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.