By Brenda Jank

It has been a hard go the last couple of weeks, my friends.
Our son, Josh, who is in hospice care, lost the ability to swallow.
We discovered that Josh has metastasized esophageal cancer. A stent was placed to allow him to swallow again.
We are humbled and grateful for this quality-of-life care and support.
Hard is far from over.
Last night I was broken. Mad. Overwhelmed – grieving deeply for all that has been lost in the mayhem.
Grieving for what lies ahead.
And that is okay.
It is more than okay.
Grief work can be ugly and unpredictable. It can take us to unfamiliar, unwanted places.
It can leave us gutted.
But it is also pit-defying.
We might land in the deepest, darkest pit – hard – with a thud that shakes our soul and our bones.
But we land on our back! And by God’s grace, we see a speck of light.
Hope, even far away, remains.
I can’t run right now. Some hours, it’s hard to walk. Some moments it is hard to breathe.
The image of being carried – has carried me.
I brought my old Bible with me to the hospital last week.
It is tear stained and has little white space left for notes.
I have met Jesus in the darkest nights in this book.
I was all over the place this morning, but I landed in Deuteronomy 33:12
     Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long,
     and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders. (NIV 1983)
May we be carried when we need to be carried, so we can run when we need to run.

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Brenda Jank and the Run Hard. Rest Well. team are thought leaders in the arena of Restorative Wellness. Find additional resources at www.RunHardRestWell.org. Contact us at: Brenda@runhardrestwell.org

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8 thoughts on “Hope”

  1. Brenda, Prayers offered for you, Josh, and all those who love him. Thinking of you with love as you navigate Josh’s journey. Love, Ellen

  2. We care so much that you are going through such struggles! Thank you for your beautiful vulnerability. May Christ’s deep mercy continue to meet you in these dark clouds.
    Praying for you and yours.

  3. There are days and there are days. In one of my hardest moments I read Jeremiah.   It seems like I’m called to the books of the Bible that are the hardest.  Jeremiah 45 hit me hard.  Baruch was good.  He questioned…..and God answered.

    ““Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, to you, O Baruch: You said, ‘Woe is me! For the Lord has added sorrow to my pain. I am weary with my groaning, and I find no rest.’ Thus shall you say to him, Thus says the Lord: Behold, what I have built I am breaking down, and what I have planted I am plucking up—that is, the whole land. And do you seek great things for yourself? Seek them not, for behold, I am bringing disaster upon all flesh, declares the Lord. But I will give you your life as a prize of war in all places to which you may go.”” ‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭45‬:‭2‬-‭5‬ ‭ESV‬‬ https://bible.com/bible/59/jer.45.2-5.ESV

    It is a hard chapter, but it brought me hope.  Many go to the Psalms, and they are great, but too often I need to be reminded of the hard even for the good.  I remember the time Jesus came through for me, and I stand.  What else can I do?  He is God and I am not.  Jesus is the only one Who comes to my pity parties.  And He holds me close until the storm has passed.

  4. Brenda,

    I am so very sorry for all you continue to go through with your dear suffering son, Josh.

    It has been a few years since we last communicated. We continue to appreciate your emphasis on rest in the midst of cercomstances that are anything but restful.

    Much care and prayer in Christ.

    Jim and Lois Anderson

  5. Thank you for expressing so clearly how hard these times of grieving and suffering are and how important it is to hold on to hope and the truth of Scripture when the suffering seems too much to bear.

    • Hope is a precious, powerful thing.
      It shapes our soul and allows us to see light in very dark places.
      Once again this morning, I was in Romans 5:1-5.
      Praying for you, my friend, right now – wherever you are.


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